When darkness invades my soul Pain permeates every fiber of my being Can I ever be made whole? It seems impossible to recover from this crushing blow I cry and weep and mourn what is lost It haunts every waking moment, like a never-ending nightmare, it seizes me, and won't let go I run from it, trying to escape it and be free But it chases me and hunts me down Then it drags me back, locks me up, and holds me in captivity How can I escape this prison? Oh, where is the key? I a

The intense colors of autumn have been spectacular this year! As the leaves are falling and the brilliant hues are fading away, we are left with barren trees and a colorless landscape. Today we suddenly find ourselves covered in a blanket of snow and ice, with temperatures that make you shiver. It is a reminder of how quickly things can change, but also that seasons only last for a time. So it is with life... Dear friend, if you suddenly find yourself in a difficult season of

It is hard to believe that Friday, November 8th, 2019, would be Tommy’s twenty-ninth birthday. It is even harder to believe that this will be the ninth birthday without him. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't get any easier with each year that passes. Every year I still bake his favorite cake and we light candles and sing happy birthday to him. This tradition may seem odd to some people, but for me, it is an opportunity to actively do something for him. It is a small way

It's the time for fall harvest, colorful autumn leaves, fresh apple cider, pumpkin picking, candy, and costumes. I have loved dressing up in costume since I was a little girl. My creativity and imagination are always stirred when I get to choose who or what I want to dress up as, and then create a costume to bring it to life. I've never been a big fan of off-the-rack costumes. I love the adventure of going to thrift stores to find items that I can use to create costumes that

Whether we are dealing with disappointment, dashed hopes, deep despair, or the darkness of depression, our human tendency is to withdraw from God and those around us in times of difficulty. We often retreat inwardly, much like the box turtle does when a predator draws near. When a box turtle senses danger, it pulls its legs, tail, and head into its shell for protection until the threat is gone. Many times, we instinctively use what appears to be a similar defense mechanism wh

Every morning when I wake up, and every night when I lie down to sleep, I am keenly aware of my strong desire to control my life circumstances. I am also fully cognizant that some things are just plain out of my control. Uncertainty leaves me feeling powerless, and it drives me crazy! Sometimes I get chest pains from anxiety. My stomach feels queasy, my breathing is shallow, at times I feel lightheaded, and numbness grips my entire body. On the inside, my emotions are like an

Yesterday I came face to face with another lie that I've believed my entire life. I was first confronted with it almost twenty years ago when my counselor told me I must learn to set boundaries in my relationships. She explained that healthy relationships exist when there are clear boundary lines. I've only been brave enough to enter the boxing ring and duke it out with this lie occasionally. When I have mustered the courage to have a face-off and enforce healthy boundaries,

I was blessed to spend time with a dear friend on Sunday afternoon. She's the kind of friend that you can be real with and share your hurts, your struggles, and your deepest fears, and she still loves you. As it turns out, we're both struggling with debilitating doubts, insecurities, and fears. We are both in a place where we are being asked to lead others, but neither of us feels ready or capable to carry out that responsibility. Each of us shared that the reason we don't fe

Maybe you're like me and you have been waiting your entire life for things to change. Well, I don't know about you, but I finally got tired of waiting because I wasn’t getting anywhere, and I decided to get moving because life is short. The fear of never knowing if I could, began to outweigh the fear of failing. I decided it was worth the risk to take a few baby steps and see what would happen. A little over two years ago I began taking those small steps and that's when every

September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. After losing my oldest son, Tommy, to suicide 8 years ago this is a topic that will be close to my heart for the rest of my life. Much progress has been made through the efforts of suicide prevention and awareness programs and I know this has saved lives, but we still have a long voyage ahead of us. There is still a stigma with mental health issues today and we have much work to do on our mental health care system. I b

The last two weeks have been exhausting. I am always amazed at the power of our emotions. They can zap your energy like a bad alternator depletes a car battery, leaving you immobilized. It is very easy to get sucked into the darkness of grief and allow depression to slither in like a boa constrictor ambushing its prey. It would be easy to allow it to swallow me whole. It would be easy to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head. It would be easy to leave all the blinds cl

I get very frustrated, even angry when I hear well-meaning people use scripture verses to support the idea that living to the best of your ability plus trusting God equals smooth sailing, like it's a math equation. Is that really God's message to us? Does He really say, that if we live to the best of our ability and we trust Him, He will magically make everything in our lives all roses? SPOILER ALERT : Y’all, if that is what you've been led to believe, then what I'm about to

Friday, August 30th, would be Randy's 62nd birthday. As the day is drawing near, sadness is creeping into my heart with thoughts of all the things that we will never get to do together. When these thoughts begin to swirl in my head, I feel dizzy and lightheaded. Then I realize I am doing it again… I am holding my breath. It isn't something I do consciously. It just happens. I don't know if it is a common symptom of grief or anxiety, or maybe both, but I have found myself doin

I am still trying to soak in the wealth of wisdom and the personal growth challenges I received at the Global Leadership Summit earlier this month. It is easy to be inspired by someone who has overcome immense hurdles and persevered against all odds, and even human reason, at times. The difficult part is taking the seeds of inspiration and planting them, so they take root and blossom into life-changing personal transformation. When Bear Grylls, of Man vs. Wild fame, shared hi

Last week I began to have an overwhelmingly anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I haven't been able to shake it. It feels sort of like a combination of too much sugar, caffeine, and adrenaline all rolled into one, except I haven’t gone overboard on any of those lately. It has kept me awake into the wee hours of the last four nights. Amazingly, our bodies have the ability to be aware of and process life before our minds even recognize what's going on. So, what has be

When horrific tragedies like the shooting in the Oregon District occur… There are no words that can explain why. There are no words that can ease the pain of those who lost loved ones. There are no words that can erase the trauma of those who were present. We search for words to make sense of the senseless, to no avail. We search for words that will move us, as a nation, to action in hopes that we can prevent another tragedy from occurring. I have struggled to write this week

I love beautiful landscaping. It adds beauty and character to a home. Designing great landscaping requires a bit of artistic creativity, as well as knowledge of flowers, plants, trees, and bushes. Having a vision of what you want it to look like once it grows and matures isn’t enough, you must also have knowledge and understanding of the area you're working on. How much sun exposure does it get? Is the soil fertile and rich with nutrients? Are there nearby shrubs or trees tha

One thing I have learned as I have walked through the loss of my son and my husband is that everyone grieves differently. I don’t believe there is a correct way to grieve. Grieving is a process, which implies movement. It is easy to get stuck and become trapped along the way. Moving forward has challenges. Sometimes those challenges feel like a prison. An annual vacation has been part of my life since I met my husband. It was something he grew up doing and he felt it was an i

Two weeks ago, I was on vacation with family and friends in Colorado. We went on several hikes in the mountains, but my favorite was the hike to the top of Bridal Veil Falls, in Telluride. The views were incredible, and it was well worth the two-hour uphill trek. I wore my Love Never Gives Up bracelet that day and I snapped a picture of it when we reached the top so that I could send it to my friends in New York. Love Never Gives Up is an organization on a mission “to engage

What is standing between you and love? This is a question for each of us to ponder, probably on a daily basis. This question has impacted me greatly from the time I heard Clare Loughrige ask it during an Enneagram training seminar I attended in June. Is there someone in your life that you are struggling to get along with? Is there someone you don’t particularly like? Is there someone that makes you bristle or just plain drives you crazy?  The person doesn’t have to be someone