It was wonderful to wake up to beautiful blue skies and sunshine this morning. My normal behavior on a day like today would be to pull the covers back over my head and stay in bed, but that was not the case this morning. Today marks two years since losing Randy. It is a sad day indeed, one that could send me tumbling right back down the mountain I am working so hard to climb. Today is very different than this date last year. There is more to it than just being distanced from

When darkness invades my soul Pain permeates every fiber of my being Can I ever be made whole? It seems impossible to recover from this crushing blow I cry and weep and mourn what is lost It haunts every waking moment, like a never-ending nightmare, it seizes me, and won't let go I run from it, trying to escape it and be free But it chases me and hunts me down Then it drags me back, locks me up, and holds me in captivity How can I escape this prison? Oh, where is the key? I a

It is hard to believe that Friday, November 8th, 2019, would be Tommy’s twenty-ninth birthday. It is even harder to believe that this will be the ninth birthday without him. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't get any easier with each year that passes. Every year I still bake his favorite cake and we light candles and sing happy birthday to him. This tradition may seem odd to some people, but for me, it is an opportunity to actively do something for him. It is a small way

September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. After losing my oldest son, Tommy, to suicide 8 years ago this is a topic that will be close to my heart for the rest of my life. Much progress has been made through the efforts of suicide prevention and awareness programs and I know this has saved lives, but we still have a long voyage ahead of us. There is still a stigma with mental health issues today and we have much work to do on our mental health care system. I b

The last two weeks have been exhausting. I am always amazed at the power of our emotions. They can zap your energy like a bad alternator depletes a car battery, leaving you immobilized. It is very easy to get sucked into the darkness of grief and allow depression to slither in like a boa constrictor ambushing its prey. It would be easy to allow it to swallow me whole. It would be easy to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head. It would be easy to leave all the blinds cl

I get very frustrated, even angry when I hear well-meaning people use scripture verses to support the idea that living to the best of your ability plus trusting God equals smooth sailing, like it's a math equation. Is that really God's message to us? Does He really say, that if we live to the best of our ability and we trust Him, He will magically make everything in our lives all roses? SPOILER ALERT : Y’all, if that is what you've been led to believe, then what I'm about to

Last week I began to have an overwhelmingly anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I haven't been able to shake it. It feels sort of like a combination of too much sugar, caffeine, and adrenaline all rolled into one, except I haven’t gone overboard on any of those lately. It has kept me awake into the wee hours of the last four nights. Amazingly, our bodies have the ability to be aware of and process life before our minds even recognize what's going on. So, what has be

When horrific tragedies like the shooting in the Oregon District occur… There are no words that can explain why. There are no words that can ease the pain of those who lost loved ones. There are no words that can erase the trauma of those who were present. We search for words to make sense of the senseless, to no avail. We search for words that will move us, as a nation, to action in hopes that we can prevent another tragedy from occurring. I have struggled to write this week

I had the privilege of sharing my story last night at SouthBrook Christian Church during a seminar on Pain & Suffering led by Randy Creamer. I went there to share some of my experiences in life that have been extremely difficult but came away with a new perspective and even deeper insight on the importance of facing my fears. This Saturday, May 25th, will be one year without Randy. I have been full of dread for the month of May to arrive and it has gripped me tighter each day

This year, Mother’s Day was filled with a whole mess of jumbled-up emotions. It has been this way for the last 8 years. This year was no exception because it was the first Mother's Day without my husband, best friend, and father of my four children. On one hand, my heart was filled with joy, overflowing with tremendous love and deep gratitude for my children. On the other hand, it was a painful reminder that I am temporarily separated from two of those I hold dear to my heart

Hi Friends, Yesterday marked nine months since losing Randy to cancer. I dread the 25th of each month, but yesterday was a particularly difficult day. So, I decided to get out my notebook and pen and write to help let the emotion out. The following poem is the result of that process. I hope it is a help to someone else out there who is shattered and broken at the moment. I know it may not feel like it, but winter is only a season my friend and spring is coming! Remember we c

With the beginning of a new year come thoughts of starting fresh with a clean slate. It is like having an opportunity for a do-over. It is a time to re-evaluate and set new goals. It is also a time to look inward and humbly accept responsibility for areas of our life that need a little work. Sometimes, if we are really honest with ourselves, we begin to recognize that some of our attitudes and behaviors towards others are less than stellar. If we are being brutally honest wit