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  • Writer's pictureKelly Neff

Moose Tracks

When was the last time someone hurt you deeply? How did you deal with it? Is that your normal response when you are hurting?

When someone has hurt me deeply and I am really struggling with the pain, I like to eat a row (or two) of Oreos or work my way through a pan of brownies, and then wash them down with a tall glass of ice-cold milk. But, my most frequent source of solace is grabbing a half-gallon of ice cream from the freezer and a spoon (actually only 1.5 quarts now, what the heck?!). Moose Tracks is usually my flavor of choice when I am looking for comfort. As I was writing this I began to wonder if there is a subconscious connection to Moose Tracks when I feel like I have been crapped on, excuse the expression, lol!

There is no question about it, this is an unhealthy way to deal with my emotions. I know this, and yet I continue to practice this method of attempting to soothe my aching heart. My friend, what is your source of comfort? Maybe like me, you use food, either in excess or maybe even by restricting it. Maybe your method of dealing with pain is using alcohol, drugs, sex, cutting, or any other substitute to mask the pain.

If you know it isn't a healthy way to deal with the pain, why do you continue to choose this method? This is a question I am asking myself right now. I have coped with pain in this way for so long, I don’t even know when I started doing this or why. So, how do I stop this unhealthy, destructive behavior?

I do not have answers yet, just lots of questions as I pursue a deeper understanding of who I am and what makes me tick. Ultimately, once I begin to find the answers to these questions, I believe I will have the tools to make an effective, positive change in my behavior. I believe that discovering who I really am will not only improve my life, it will also improve how I interact with others, and ultimately improve my relationships.

Relationships are difficult. Even when you think you know someone well, there can be times when you wonder if you ever really knew them at all. I have been doing a lot of introspection over the last year and it is a strange thing when you begin to look deep inside yourself to figure out why you do the things you do, and then you realize you really don't know yourself at all.

The thing is, I want to be free from destructive thinking and unhealthy ways of coping. If I want to change my behavior, first I need to recognize when it is unhealthy. Then I need to understand why I do the things I do, and why I react the way I do. I am learning that personality styles play a big part in how we view the world, how we see ourselves, how we choose to behave, and therefore greatly influence how we react.

Sometimes we become so good at masking our pain with destructive substitutes, it becomes second nature and we do not even recognize it anymore. Once this happens, our identity is also at risk of being masked. If we do this long enough, we lose sight of who we really are. We become limited by our chosen method of coping. We lose hope of ever becoming who we were created to be.

My friend, I challenge you to look deep inside yourself and rediscover who you really are. You were created to be and do so much more than you know! Don’t allow your method of coping to limit you one second more!

Blessings dear one!

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