This story was originally posted by The Stanley Sessions on September 7, 2017
Because September is suicide awareness month and because it is the month my son Tommy took his life seven years ago, I felt the need to share this story from a mother's perspective. It is my hope that it will help someone who is wrestling with all of the things left unsaid when you have lost a loved one unexpectedly.
I wrote this letter to Tommy last year as September 7th drew near once again. I have found that writing has helped me in my healing process by allowing me to express my thoughts and feelings in a healthy way. I realized last year that I had things I wished I could say to Tommy, things I desparately needed him to know, so I decided to write him a letter. It was incredibly freeing and healing to put words to emotions that had been bottled up inside of me since the night my life changed forever.
I want to do something different in sharing this time and read the letter aloud, partly for you because the spoken word is powerful, but if I'm being honest, mostly for my own healing. Sometimes I reread it on days when I am struggling with my own thoughts. Thoughts of "if only," are dangerous roads to travel and only lead to an unquenchable desire to change something you cannot. Somehow reading my letter to Tommy frees me from the emptiness that seizes my heart by giving a voice to the things I wish I could have told him. It is my hope that this will help you too!