I had the privilege of sharing my story last night at SouthBrook Christian Church during a seminar on Pain & Suffering led by Randy Creamer. I went there to share some of my experiences in life that have been extremely difficult but came away with a new perspective and even deeper insight on the importance of facing my fears.
This Saturday, May 25th, will be one year without Randy. I have been full of dread for the month of May to arrive and it has gripped me tighter each day as the 25th draws near.
I have found it increasingly difficult to focus my mind and think clearly. I feel sick to my stomach often as waves of sadness wash over me. My emotions are bubbling up from deep within and I find it more and more difficult to keep them under wraps.
I think part of the dread is because I am fighting the reality that he is gone. I want so badly to pretend it is not true. Trying to run from it is not going to make it go away.
Something Randy Creamer said last night was profound and it struck me right in the heart. He said that, “Redemption is not living as though it didn’t happen, it’s living differently because it did happen.”
I am working hard to face my pain today instead of trying to run from it. For anyone else out there who is also struggling with pain and suffering, I am cheering you on and will be praying for you to find courage to turn around and face the thing that is haunting you. Please pray for me as well.
Much love to you, dear one.
This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”