It was wonderful to wake up to beautiful blue skies and sunshine this morning. My normal behavior on a day like today would be to pull the covers back over my head and stay in bed, but that was not the case this morning. Today marks two years since losing Randy. It is a sad day indeed, one that could send me tumbling right back down the mountain I am working so hard to climb. Today is very different than this date last year. There is more to it than just being distanced from

When darkness invades my soul Pain permeates every fiber of my being Can I ever be made whole? It seems impossible to recover from this crushing blow I cry and weep and mourn what is lost It haunts every waking moment, like a never-ending nightmare, it seizes me, and won't let go I run from it, trying to escape it and be free But it chases me and hunts me down Then it drags me back, locks me up, and holds me in captivity How can I escape this prison? Oh, where is the key? I a

It is hard to believe that Friday, November 8th, 2019, would be Tommy’s twenty-ninth birthday. It is even harder to believe that this will be the ninth birthday without him. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't get any easier with each year that passes. Every year I still bake his favorite cake and we light candles and sing happy birthday to him. This tradition may seem odd to some people, but for me, it is an opportunity to actively do something for him. It is a small way

The last two weeks have been exhausting. I am always amazed at the power of our emotions. They can zap your energy like a bad alternator depletes a car battery, leaving you immobilized. It is very easy to get sucked into the darkness of grief and allow depression to slither in like a boa constrictor ambushing its prey. It would be easy to allow it to swallow me whole. It would be easy to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head. It would be easy to leave all the blinds cl

Friday, August 30th, would be Randy's 62nd birthday. As the day is drawing near, sadness is creeping into my heart with thoughts of all the things that we will never get to do together. When these thoughts begin to swirl in my head, I feel dizzy and lightheaded. Then I realize I am doing it again… I am holding my breath. It isn't something I do consciously. It just happens. I don't know if it is a common symptom of grief or anxiety, or maybe both, but I have found myself doin

I am still trying to soak in the wealth of wisdom and the personal growth challenges I received at the Global Leadership Summit earlier this month. It is easy to be inspired by someone who has overcome immense hurdles and persevered against all odds, and even human reason, at times. The difficult part is taking the seeds of inspiration and planting them, so they take root and blossom into life-changing personal transformation. When Bear Grylls, of Man vs. Wild fame, shared hi

Last week I began to have an overwhelmingly anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I haven't been able to shake it. It feels sort of like a combination of too much sugar, caffeine, and adrenaline all rolled into one, except I haven’t gone overboard on any of those lately. It has kept me awake into the wee hours of the last four nights. Amazingly, our bodies have the ability to be aware of and process life before our minds even recognize what's going on. So, what has be

One thing I have learned as I have walked through the loss of my son and my husband is that everyone grieves differently. I don’t believe there is a correct way to grieve. Grieving is a process, which implies movement. It is easy to get stuck and become trapped along the way. Moving forward has challenges. Sometimes those challenges feel like a prison. An annual vacation has been part of my life since I met my husband. It was something he grew up doing and he felt it was an i

June 11th, 2019. Today would be my 31st wedding anniversary. I never imagined I would be facing this day alone. I always thought Randy and I would grow old together. I am a romantic, so I envisioned it like a storybook ending... we would be holding hands lying next to each other and then gently drift off heavenward in close proximity. It seems nothing in life turns out quite the way we envision it. Those dashed hopes, unmet expectations, and shattered dreams can be very diffi

It is not possible to go through life without experiencing loss in some form. Every one of us will come face-to-face with grief at some point in our life. Loss and pain are inevitable. The only thing in question is what we will choose to do with the grief. Loss can come in many forms, some more devastating than others. Some are temporary, some are permanent. It reminds me of the areas impacted by the recent tornadoes. When you look at the path a tornado takes you see some hom

A dear friend of mine gave me a beautiful pink hyacinth a few weeks ago. It has begun to bloom and fill the room with its highly fragrant scent. She gave this flower to me as a visual reminder of spring and all that it symbolizes as I begin this new chapter in my life. I love flowers and plants, but I have never had a hyacinth, so I did a little research to find out how to care for it properly. Besides learning the proper way to care for it, I also learned some other interest

Hi Friends, Yesterday marked nine months since losing Randy to cancer. I dread the 25th of each month, but yesterday was a particularly difficult day. So, I decided to get out my notebook and pen and write to help let the emotion out. The following poem is the result of that process. I hope it is a help to someone else out there who is shattered and broken at the moment. I know it may not feel like it, but winter is only a season my friend and spring is coming! Remember we c

In case you were wondering, it is not a typo or a saying from the south, the title is Lessons from "a Fir", not "afar." For those of you who knew Randy's humor, you know he would have repeated this play on words over and over, loudly and proudly chuckling about how funny he is. I thought y'all would appreciate that and I hope heaven is filled with his booming laughter right now! As Christmas draws closer and closer, my spirits continue to decline despite my best efforts. It